Author Topic: The Holy Writ of Boblo  (Read 624 times)

Arthur Wellesley

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The Holy Writ of Boblo
« on: August 04, 2011, 07:05:39 pm »
The Church of Boblo

The Church of Boblo is the religious body of the ideology of Bobloism and the state religion of the United Kingdom, it has spread to such other English-speaking nations as Australia, though to a lesser extent. The Church of Boblo celebrates God Emperor Boblo as creator of the eUniverse and all within, of Spam and l0lz. All citizens are made of Spam, as all eRepublik is made of Spam. Boblo is the designer, Spam is the clay. The followers of Bobloism are led by the Spamican Church, where the Bobloist's Pope and it's Spamdinals reside.

The Spamican may pronounce a campaign against a foreign land for all Bobloists to embark upon, led by the loyal Knights of Spamalot.  Devout Bobloists will once a day visit the great halls of Boblo on any forum, and will ensure social activity remains a strong part of their daily eRepublik routine. Devout Bobloists will also support their nation by assisting in the apprehending of Political Take Over groups, and providing social release for all members of the Nation, and comical relief in the form of articles and comments.

The Church of Boblo also celebrates the most honourable and greatest citizens of the eWorld, pronouncing honoured titles and canonizing the most devout citizens in their application of effort to their nation, be they Bobloist or a non-believer.

The Church of Boblo within the United Kingdom is lead by the Monarch, and plays a crucial part in celebration and procedure as the national religion.

Beliefs

Bobloists believe:

-that Bob Boblo is the creator of the entire eUniverse
-in pious following of Bob Boblo and Spam
-that Spamesis (the first book of the Holy Boble) is the only true story of eCreation
-that Spam is the only holy and omnipotent force in the world, which must be honoured and worshiped to the full in social release
-that the Pope of the Spamican Church is the prophet and leader of the faith

The Three Virtues

Bobloists believe that following Bobloism and harnessing the spirit of spam lead to the three virtues: Intelligence, Teamwork and Triumph. Whether or not there is any evidence for this is hotly debated, but in each sphere there is argued to be evidence. Bobloist teams frequently perform will in eUK pub quizzes, and usually touted as favourites, implying intelligence. Bobloist also have legendary camaraderie, giving implications of teamwork. Finally Triumph is the most clearly evidenced virtue, as success seems to come naturally to Bobloists, especially Mr Woldy who been a multi-term country president.

Oral Sex is frequently referred to as the fourth virtue. This is because Bob Boblo is renowned for his ability in this field, and receiving it from his is considered one the greatest honours a woman can receive. Many Bobloists have claimed Bobloism has helped make them experts at cunnilingus. Female eUK citizens who have lauded the abilty of Bobloist's to perform cunnilingus include Meghan and Anaxima. The Holy Spamible teaches that cunnilingus is the most holy form of foreplay.

Scriptures

The Church of Boblo regards The Holy Spamible as the most holy and truthful of all Bobloist scriptures. It is comprised of three books; The Holy Boble; Old Spamican Word; New Spamican Word.

-The Holy Boble details the holy creation of the eUniverse, produced by the God Emperor Boblo out of Spam, the holy life-binding substance.
-The Old Spamican Word is a collection of Bobloism's most wise and spamish minds; great spammers and politicians alike have contributed in verse and proverb to provide guidance to followers and practitioners of Spam.
-The New Spamican Word tells the ongoing story of Spam and the faith, and the everlasting word of the Spamican Church will go on to provide guidance and anecdotal spam for all.

The Annual Calendar of Bobloism

1st January           
New Year's Bob    

4th January            
Saint Rastari's Day    

1th February            
Saint Will Salmon's Day    

31st March            
Treads Day, The only day "threads" can be spelled "treads."

7th April                    
Pope Lando's Day    

15th April                    
Shadow is a Butt Day, Spamalot Holiday

16th April                    
Victory Day    

30th June              
The June Revolution    

6th July                  
Walrus Appreciation Day    

19th September    
Pope Horice's Day
   
21st September    
Pope Digby's Day    

19th October            
Saint Anaxima's Day    

31st October            
Saint Meghan's Day, "National Whaling Day"

5th November        
Shadow Fawkes Night, "Bobfire Night"

26th November            
Saint Taytaz's Day, "The Spamahka"

25th December      
Bobmas Day

Rite of Passage

To be accepted into the church of Boblo is a holy occasion, and can therefore take place only in a sacred thread at the gates of the Spamican Church. It takes place under the supervision of a Spamdinal, or with an Honoured man, the Pope himself.

The common soul must:

1. Upon entering the Spamican Church, he must utter the Prayer of the Spamican Prayer, located in the Holy Book.
2. Have a post count of more than 300 on the forum of the nation where he is taken in.
3. He must be willing to submit himself as a servant of Spam, and never turn his back on it.
4. He must firstly sing the Song of Spam, to energize the powers within him.
5. With this power mustered, he must then confront an evil minion of the Admin, as a show of willpower and manliness.
6. With this complete, the procedure is almost done.
7. He must finally say the prayers of Disownment of Shadow, and another of the Spamdinals choice.
8. He must be willing to take an active part in his nation's society, whether this be through the Military, Politics or the Community in general. In this way, all followers of Bobloism will be productive and beneficial members of their Nation and eRepublik as a whole.

History of Bobloism

The main religious text of the Church of Boblo is the Holy Boble. The first books were interpreted and written for Bob by the first Pope, Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar and compiled by Spamdinal John Baker.

Bobloism was not founded; but discovered. The God-Emperor, reincarnated as an eCitizen, praised the word and found a prophet to lead the people and follow him.

The religion is dated at before the dawn of the eRepublik, but in our history it was discovered on the 27th of May 2008 - Day 189 of the New World. This was the reincarnation date of our Lord on Earth, Bob Boblo.

Historical Figures

Throughout Bobloism's history, many citizens have made a significant impact on the Religion. Usually, these impressions occur in parallel with other careers within the eUK, as many of the most prominent figures in the history of the Church of Boblo are influential or powerful men and women in the country.

Bob Boblo
God-Emperor Bob Boblo, Supreme Ruler of the Entire Universe, created and taught the world the love of Spam. To this day his influence in the North and indeed the eUK as a whole is vastly superior to any other being.

Pope Digby Chicken-Caesar I
The first Pope of Bobloism. Pope Digby I was personally tutored by Bob and spent a lot of his time trying to make the first step for Bobloism - recognition by the eUK.

Pope Horice P Fossil I
The second Pope, elected when his predecessor abdicated. Pope Horice I has spent the majority of his time writing the scriptures and teachings of the New Spamican Word, educating the masses. He was dethroned after only a few weeks, after accusations of sheep pleasuring.

Pope Lando Khan I
Accepted the position somewhat reluctantly after Horices forceful removal, but overall during his reign he kept stability and peace within the church and Bobloism as a whole.

Pope Digby Chicken-Caesar II
Became Pope again because he was bored.

Pope Horice P Fossil II
After Digby ragequit as Pope, he was re-elected as Pope once again, only to be impeached 2 days later when older citizens reminded younger ones why he was impeached in the first place

Pope Brodie I
Became Pope only to be banned a few weeks later.

Pope Woldy I
Woldy succeeded Brodie but face criticism over lack of activity and lack of devotion to the glorious cause of spam. In August 2010 he was impeached after saying he didn't want to be Pope anymore.

Pope Arthur I
Despite finishing third in the papal election behind Digby and Darius, Arthur Wellesley succeeded Woldy as Pope as Digby did not want to be Pope again and Darius quit the game because of institutional racism.

Pope Evilpaperclip I
Many weeks after the spiritual death of Pope Arthur, preferati Evilpaperclip was chosen to succeed him to become the new Pope, by the divine rights of Boblo himself. After a promising start, EPC's popularity began to tail off and he was impeached on Christmas Day 2010.

Pope John I
Jan F Baker became Pope soon after. He was impeached just a few days for trying to appoint Shadow as preferati.

Pope Temujin I
Temujin succeded Jan in an open election, after both preferati, Horice and Terribletiger, decided not to stand for election. His time as pope was highly acclaimed and featured a BBH PTO of UKWP and a quiz victory that proved the intelligence, teamwork and triumph of Bobloism. Temujin was impeached on April 16 2011. Reasons cited were that 4 months was too long for a Pope to reign and still be fully creative.

Pope McAfee I
McAfee was elected pope the following day, but after a long drawn out process, an impeachment attempt started very next day led to him being removed on the 25 April, just 1 week after he was elected.

Pope Maddog I
Maddog Jones was the winner of a controversial Papal Election. Despite allegations of Dioism and vote buying he was made pope on the 25 April. He was impeached the following day, with reasons being, among of things, his welshness, the illegitimacy of his election win, and the lulz of impeaching him after one day

Pope Daniel I
On the 27 April 2011 Daniel was elected pope. Maddog tried to impeach him twice in the following two days but both failed, and Daniel continued in his role to much acclaim.

[*]We'll need to update this list

Important events

Spam War I and the End of Tyranny

The Plan

On the 15th of April 2009, Shadowukcs began plotting a day of a sea of spam to wash over not only Bob Boblo's House, but the entire of the off-topic section. To do this he enlisted the aid of several loyal Bobloists and converted them to what became the Knights of Spamalot. His first action was, on the morning of April 16th, to switch his position of power with Bob's and begin the spam onslaught, in an attempt to win a war against Bob and gain control of the house.

Initial Problems

A separate forum was created on the day, however in a bout of Shadow's typical incompetence, he made the Knights a public group and it enabled all to view their "secret" forums for their plans. Rastari and Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar, loyal Bobloists, refused to join sides with Spamalot and warned the House of Shadow's plan. However, due to the nature of the usual content in the House, they were widely ignored.

The Fights

Initially, the spam was slow but steadily mounting in the forum, and in last-resort attempts to stop it from overwhelming the House, Rastari and Bob began a campaign of locking and deleting. Many Spamalot Knights used this as fuel to continue their campaign and overflow the spam into other sections of the forum, however, the moderation was strong and not much spam was particularly successful.

After seeing that they were losing, the Knights proceeded to use a Boblo meme stickman to spread their spam, as well as bumping old topics - which was reported as their plan previously due to the fact that what was left of the Bobloists could see their forums.

The strategical stickman bombings of the threads overwhelmed the moderators locking abilities, and it was only until a long time after that the posts were finally deleted and stopped.

This marked for many the realisation that Boblo was too strong a force to contend with, sided with Rastari and Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar, and from this on a lot of the Spamalot Knights began listening to their reasoning and explanations about Shadow's evil plan.

Outcomes

After a long conflict, a large majority of the Knights defected back to become Bobloists, supporting their House against Shadow and his attempt at regaining tyranny. The spam slowly grinded to usual levels in the House after intense spam battles.

Many brave stickmen on both sides lost their lives, with the totals unconfirmed. Estimates range from 1,000,000 to 20,000,000 in total on both sides.

The Bobloists, with their returned brethren, vowed to uphold spam and all it's glory and protect it from the evil Shadow and, at 3:55pm forum time, Pope Digby Chicken-Caesar I declared victory over Shadow and his Spamalot loyalists in a proclamation in the House.

Quote from: "Pope Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar I"
I declare that this day, 16th April, is henceforth a national spam holiday in celebration of the glorious victory over the forces of evil and non-spam - Shadow.

This is highly irregular.

 

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